I am now trying to get into health club manament and the barriers for that seem less difficult. My advice would be to sort these problems out before the years pass and certainly before there are children as I think most men have a stronger sense of loyalty and decency than they are often given credit for and are willing to forgo what is a very primal need for the sake of a stable relationship. Not easy for her to open up and talk about thingsbeen that way all of our married lives..43 plus years. After being away for a month I lay there hoping to speak to to my wife and greet her in the morning after a long nights sleep. I am sorry I stayed, but life, illness, dementia parents and a son kept me in this sexless marriage. And I still dont even know why! I love her to death but cant stand to be around her anymore. Mens sexual needs are purely physical and need to be fulfilled regularly. Senior Planets comments are open for all readers/subscribers; we love hearing from you! Feminism has a lot to answer for; there seems to be too many mismatched females being vocal, when this has been a male affliction to be saddled with an undersexed female. Then it was more of a hurry it up thing. I love her. Isnt it such a shame that Bob here, says he masturbates 3x a week and Im sitting here daydreaming what it would feel like to have it again after years that my husband just cant. She just isnt attracted to me. If your sex life is devoid of experimenting with new sexual positions, role play, dressing up, creating a sensual ambiance, theres a chance that the same sexual routine has become boring and tiresome for your wife and she has started avoiding all physical contact. Besides intercourse itself, she turns me away when I attempt to initiate some sort of intimacy by kissing or stroking, things she used to love in the past. She may not understand the first time around, but if you keep trying, perhaps shell understand the need to maintain a balance between her roles as a mother and a wife. My grandma used to tell me, You cant fix broken people. 2009 - 2023 MindBodyGreen LLC. Is the meds freak Im a woman that actually wants it my newlywed husband has no interest but I can tell he feels bad but hes ex military so hes to prideful to get pills Im 41 i been told a lot that Im beautiful .. ok not going there but I know Im a catch but even making him food in a nighty doesnt work he says wow babe thanks am like . Unfortunately a couple of years ago I was diagnosed with prostate cancer and under went surgery that shut me don sexually (I couldnt even masturbate any more) This has killed all hope we had to try and have a sexually normal marriage. Many claim that its women who become dis- In my case our problems are ever deeper in that ours is a Love /Hate relationship. You can clearly see that she is overworked and avoids intimacy. If you have gone through months or years of being patient with your wife and still arent feeling physically connected, it may be time for, Are You Ready to Start Dating Again Ask Yourself These 5 Questions, Research shows that women who had a positive view of themselves, reported higher levels of intimate encounters, 30 Foreplay Ideas That Will Surely Spice up Your Sex Life, This can be difficult since, statistically, couples are, to talk about sexual matters the same way they would other conflicts, such as children or finances. Cheating is easy and you deserve it. Would you like to see more questions and answers? I know that it sounds crazy but I never thought about it but that part of our problem came to a head after our 35 year old son (our only child) was killed in an on the job accident. This is a huge problem, how can I live with someone who feels this way? I think it is true that having sex with your partner is part and parcel of the love you feel for each other otherwise it just seems to fade. she says when she and I are close she gets panic attacks and anxiety attacks. Make your own porn and watch that. I chose the platter for one. Many marriages have been ruin, husband are sad, desperate, when wives started to isolate themselves. Id never treat him as she does! Not so in an egalitarian or woman-dominated marriage where she gets what she wants that always ends in dysfunction & misery. One of the top sexual concerns women have is feeling self-conscious about their own bodies during sex. Learning how to communicate and experience life myself . Are you in a similar place in your relationship? When I have a follow up, with a surgeon next month, even though it is not cancer, I will discuss wether or not I should give up the vaginal hormone. Given the fact that 34%, (some studies say as high as 40%) of women and 15% of men dont like/want sex, is it any wonder that 50% of marriages end in divorce? My wife determined several years ago that she no longer has that connection to me, and will eventually leave. Slept in basement for a few years until I built my own space that had an apartment and work shop. They may be finding fulfilment on the computer/phone with others (just a guess) and so thats a big problem right there. It takes two. It is a precursor and will stimulate the Adrenal glands to produce more testosterone. He (so far) said no. she feels palpitation and jitters and she perspires just as the thought of it.. bottomline, my mom just wants companionship but my dad wants more. But I still feel that my wife is my one and only best friend and while I may be frustrated , I will always hold that more dear than anything else. Ill keep this short, but I could write a short novel. Should a husband and wife have equal weight in decision making when the husband shoulders ultimate risk for the consequences? I guess my story isnt as bad as many. . 5. 7 years no sex!!! She put in over $300K on our $1M house and I told her we may need to sell it when my youngest graduates high school. Four years of treatment, a fried heart valve replacement due to radiation. I absolutely adore my wife/partner I love her dearly and would do anything for her. It has worked for me and I highly recommend it as an alternative to just giving up. That was almost 50 years ago, I dont live in he house with her. I dont understand. It hard to bud out. My wife is 54 and started menopause at 46. I did a lot of stuff that I thought would make things easier for her. Not you at all by the sounds of it. Behind heart broken!!! I dont believe calling sex your duty is accurate at all. This seems to be the one thing that cannot change (no medical conditions preventing sex). Sure she was sore & tired particularly in the beginning, but she didnt make it a habit to say no because she knew my hand was nothing like her body that I craved. Only 50 at wits end, I dont want to start over, but I dont want to go another 10 years like this either, I cant talk to her about it be cause she has tried it didnt work, but no physical contact and her liking other guys attention just makes it unbearable, Between the undesirable side effects of the meds I take for depression and the unfortunate consequences of menopause, my sex drive is just dead, and I neither care nor have any desire whatsoever to revive it. Fear Of The Wife How Real Is It For Modern Men? I am very hormonal being athletic and take DHEA supplements which enhance desire. The experts have very little to offer. Enjoy your life as my dear friend you only go around once. I pay 90% of the bills, cook most of the meals, and clean (wash my own cloths). Nothing arouses it. What does it mean when your wife doesn't show affection? Good luck. No sex for about 20 years. At first when we were dating this were fine. In particular, most women cannot reach orgasm from penis-in-vagina intercourse alone. accuse me of not loving her enough, if I had to cheat back. I am not happy at not having anymore sex in my life at age 64, but I do care for her and she does care for me, not in the sexual way of course. The last time we had sex with lubrication, she complained of pain and suggested that beyond a few minutes, she was not interested. He just didnt want me and wanted to be left alone, in his world. If divorce is not an option then get involved outside the home. Guys need intimacy too as well as sex and we love our spouses too. I am beginning to think that we are supposed to get old. So its a trope that the man is always the one with the higher desire and the one left frustrated. We went to a therapist who separated us and I thought that might help her confidence. Ive got wonder if she really was just needing something to be mad at me for. She would be lost. Hasnt been for 15 years. My biggest problem is that my wife is very, very against porn and at my age I cannot attempt to relieve my tension without it as a point of focus. That never goes away for most women or men. Then menopause dried it out and the muscles resist and joints spasm, so its painful. I think that for me I need the human touch of a mature woman. Accept her no lovingly, masturbate, and initiate again another day. You are not catering to her sexual needs, How To Survive A Sexless Marriage Without Cheating, build a successful relationship after cheating, communication exercises with your partner, 10 Things To Do When You Are Drifting Apart In Your Relationship. He shows no interest or emotional desire to engage in sex or affection. Be true to yourself, and your children. Be grateful you were able to find someone in life to love and be loved by, many of us take this for granted not realizing how many lonely people there are out there who were never as lucky as we have been. Think before you do what you do. Since husbands are usually thought to be the problem regardless of whether the wife or the husband doesnt want sex, I should say that I do my fair share (50%+) of house chores, am emotionally supportive of her, and a nice guy, but that is irrelevant. But many times women holds back based on how they are treated. you get it. I heard my uncles talk about sex like it was something from their youth that has long gone. Its like shes ashamed of her vagina. He tries to manipulate me about everything and after 30 years of marriage I am over it. Do you feel my wife never initiates intimacy? He does not have ED or any similar issue, wont see a therapist or talk about this, and he becomes angry and defensive if I bring up sex or hug him or show any affection. Work and motherhood can be overwhelming, so instead of asking her for sex at the end of the day when youre both exhausted, start planning for it. It makes me feel sick. "There is also much more pressure on any sex youdohave since it's happening less frequently; it feels like there is much more at stake each time the two of you are intimate. Should be a Clause in sickness and health and sex also! He was several yrs younger than me, Ive Never been married & Ive had a half dozen BFs or so. And you are wasting your life . That said, you should also think about how youre trying to arouse your wife. She has owned her own retail furniture store for 10 years and has expressed her desire to sell and get a job until retirement. So much hurt involved, and guilt. Married 10 years!!!! She may give in from time to time to satisfy her man, but the drive is gone. This is the best I have read. By Joan Price Or when it doesnt really get hard, does the throbbing stop also in men? For senior sex news, tips, event and webinar announcements, and special offers,join Joans mailing list. We have been married 38 years, and we love each other very much. If you notice intimacy is fading from your marriage, heres what to do when your wife wont touch you. Nothing has changed. If she senses youre blaming her for something, shell go on the defensive. It's possible that you and your wife simply have different needs when it comes to sex. I am planning a divorce, as I wont live out the remaining 20-30 years of my life without love and affection. This sounds exactly like my situation although I am the husband. Im Maried for 5 years and from one year until now my wife change completely like a different person she don't let me hold her hands or touch her or kiss her and sex more than 6 months that she don't have sex with me I asked her if she don't love me anymore and she say that she love me and I asked her why she's doing you know all the . I have been dedicated for 43 years but I also realize you need and one thing before you canOnto the other. may have led to years of unsatisfying sex, and the longer youre together, the more nervous she may be to bring it up. Divorce is not an option, But when the second son moves out to college there is an option I take his bedroom AND there is an option I go on an extended car road trip for a few months. Thomas, I agree! On the other hand, another reason your wife is never in the mood may be related to menopause. Get your answer. Cheating is easy and you deserve it . He has an expectation of honesty and communication, perhaps, but only if he is providing the same for you. who cares any more if your in a sexless marriage! When the support isnt there, the emotional intimacy and the physical intimacy are going to suffer. Hmmm. No one is talking about men who dont want to have sex. Its a bummer most times. Women want to be swept off their feet. There is nothing sexier than seeing your man crazy! Ive always had this feeling from the first of our marriage that he felt somewhat uncomfortable having sex but that it was permissible if we were trying to procreate, but never just for fun or enjoyment. I would love to be greeted with a smile, a cuddle a thoughtful touch but nothing. If the husband happens to be insensitive, it ruins the relationship. He decided hed have an affair. In recent times, our sex life has begun to resemble our early 20s again, even better because contraception is in the rearview mirror. She always had 2 orgasms before me. We received a relationship query from a man who wanted to spice things up with his wife of 29 years, but was struggling to make headway because of the spouses inhibitions. With her warm, playful approach to coaching and facilitation, Kelly creates refreshingly candid spaces for processing and healing challenges around dating, sexuality, identity, body image, and relationships. There is one other medical condition relating to touch called allodynia. I have never been a man so I cannot empathize with a man. I became completely numb to anything. She does not like to give blow jobs or hand jobs, so I have to do it myself, jerking off and imagining sex with anyone. The reasons behind why a wife avoids physical contact can range from marital discord to just being burned out, says Gopa. Im only 63 and Ive pretty much just given up. We had sex once last year and it had been a while prior to that, but she told me that due to the pain and all, she doesnt want to do it any more. You talk about your wife not being in the mood. Thats an elusive state when were not driven by our hormones. love him & my family and weve been married for 34 years & 5 years before that. If your wife thinks she may have vaginal atrophy, I hope shell see a knowledgeable doctor or pelvic floor therapist to get a diagnosis and treatment plan that can alleviate her discomfort. Arthritis: No Cure, But Ways to Ease the Pain. I suggest that you forget about sex and focus more on hugging, cuddling and kissing. Sometimes when a woman becomes a mother, it can affect the way she sees herselfand the way her partner sees her. Ive been led to believe Im the selfish one for thinking of leaving just over sex. Choosing a date of the week for example, in which she will be the one to request it. so I started to do it. We use a great lubricant called Astroglide, to help things along, good stuff. When someone Denys you something so fundamentally important, it is Not Cheating to Some doctors will prescribe testosterone and advise DHEA supplementation. Yet she constantly professes love. I love my wife even if we have not had sex for close to 6 years. Woman think if they dont want a penis inside them that thats it, no sex. Holding on and hoping we can work it out, for now Im giving him space. So around our house it is whispered, why is he mad? The LW sounds like a loving and considerate husband. Whats more, you are not doomed to be in a sexless marriage! There are many reasons. You either need to leave or stay in it knowing that she is sexless towards you. Im 57 and my husband is 56 years old. We men are not brain dead. The Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health published a study that found low levels of self-esteem harmed a womans sexual functions. Life is complicated at every age but I think as people age, hormone levels drop of course and the baggage of decades gone by begins to weigh heavy on both parties. Maybe I should start trying to ease my husband into this conversation because we have been having sex rarer and rarer these past few years. What is the solution? I feel for you for my wife always have said I will make you feel good but then dont try to do anything .. If you are not. Most importantly, talk to her about it! But to then take into account the Catholic Churchs stance on that interjects another sticking point, if I may use that term. Unfortunately, my wife is 62 and has given up interest in sex and affection of any type. This is when a person is so sensitive to touch that they try to avoid being touched by another person because of the pain it causes them. She would still complain of pain. My (50m) wife (48f) and I had a great sexual relationship for most of our marriage. About 10 % Love 90% Hate. If the lack of interest becomes an ongoing pattern, consider any of the above potential reasons. The aftermath of an affair is never easy for a marriage, but if life has thrown you this curveball, youve got to learn to deal with it. And cheating isnt an option either. . The only relief that I get from my pain is physical pleasure. I cant have sex do to pain and believe me I truly hat it. that found low levels of self-esteem harmed a womans sexual functions. For example, depression, as well as the medication used to manage it, can take a toll on ones libido. I dont think I would like my son or daughter tell me what to do in the bedroom. She said I was harassing her and that if I was so horny and needy, I should find someone else to relieve myself, but whatever, to stop harassing her. Married 36 years, neither of us had sex with anyone including each other until our wedding night: It was tough, but my choice. It works for him. It is equally open to the man to be charitable by eating alone. Living alone would reduce frustration of a non-response. We have done counseling and it always comes back to my issues which I work on but have never seen any change from her. As for me, never. It feels like torture just coming here and reading because it makes me want some so badly I dont know what to do. The nipple is not an on and off switch. Does your wife struggle with self-love? That last sentence got my attention. It will only create more distance between you. But dont you have a affair, to deal with that sex drive that Im ignoring. I would be willing to bet the majority of men in our position have gone above and beyond to save our marriages, only to get a SELFISH wife to deny us to the point that we lose all our self esteem. She needs you to see the world from her eyes and to understand her perspective. Please ask your husband if hell see a counselor with you to save your marriage. My husband and I both have gained weight. The first step is to communicate with your partner about what you think you might be lacking. I miss the sex, but I miss even more holding her in my arms snuggling with her just touching her maybe copping a feel she sexy. She will not go to any therapy. And Im okay with that. We were both virgins when we married. Seeing a therapist or speaking with her doctor about her mental health is a step in the right direction to help you recognize the woman you fell in love with. We havent had sex in months. I have tried individual therapy and that was to no avail. Sorry Mate. Yes! In some cases, this can escalate intopostpartum depression, which is a common reason why many women experience a lack of sexual desire after childbirth. We see each other on a daily basis staying busy to supplement our income and find time to make love once per week. Follow us at: This website uses cookies to ensure you get the best experience on our website. Its dinner cooked and eaten together, with enjoyment on both sides. However I worked as much at home since someone had to do it. Now whats so hard about that. Sounds to me like youve picking your men from the bar. We are all misogynistic pigs that just need a hole for our poles. Men my advice is dont get married or move in with women if you love sex. My wife lost interest in sex years ago. 10 years of this and going on5 years since last try, dont sleep in same be, snoring medical issues up down. But each night i rub her feet and tickle her thighs..she just lays there ..and I go out and sleep in a recliner. Self-love is the answer, but you can help, too. Your husband, not even talking to you must be so hard on your self esteem. Is it something we should split over? To see my wife go direct to the Phone on the first morning home and second morning home was very upsetting. She says that its up to me to deal with it however I choose. Pretty graphic stuff. A husband must shoehorn that sex drive into the confines of marriage, where only his wife can accommodate it. I too have never cheated. only issue. You can be in a marriage without sex. We have been married 41 years. So no, this was not the place to blow your horn. Stay single, young men, Marriage is not for you. If they need get that only from you, so be it. Couples can even have a thriving sex life during their 40s, if they wish to do so. The marriage is fine except for the sex. But no sex. Recently, he has been distant unloving and disrespectful towards me. I still love my wife dearly and I am committed to her but I have to take care of myself. Even if he cant accept the divorce is coming!!! What shes done to me all these years was downright evil ! There has to be more than just telling people they should talk about it. Weve been married nearly 39 years and needless to say the last couple of decades I could have done without his aloofness. I agree with Trish, Frustrated Daughter. Ive read about vaginal atrophy and would guess she has it. He keeps saying hell do better, but nothing ever happens! My wife I encourage to have her hobbies and she is a nice person. Agree, I have accepted the fact Im now in a sexless marriage, ugh! I do, however, feel like absolute shit about the negative impact on my husband who is six years younger than me and who has always had a high (higher than mine, anyway) sex drive. What played in husband mind is that the wife do not care, do not want to have relationship, intimacy etc. Yes. We feel just as frustrated that our actions are not recognized by our women. Believe me when I say that she has really tried and every time it has turned out badly, I really feel like an ass for going along with the effort the she was making. If youre living with a gut feeling that your wife avoids intimacy on purpose, it may be time to take matters into your hand to rejuvenate your relationship. When theres a disconnect and communication gaps that lead to resentment, the hostility will make itself apparent in some way or the other, says Gopa. Then,move on. A very wise woman my grandma. Not a bar person.. any any suggestions. For a short time shed schedule sex once a week whether or not she felt like itbut then menopause hit and sex dwindled again, diminishing to once or twice a year until we stopped having sex altogether. **Women are constantly told to shut up and accept. Our marriage became almost sexless in 2006 when our 17 year old son was killed in an accident. 9. "Some of the pressure comes from the idea that you 'should' be having sex. After having surgery 2 years ago for testicular cancer my wife wont touch me. No way! But, on the sex side, not too good. So, lets be clear. Take the good with the bad. Ive no where to go. Its good for your general health, your sexual health and your sense of well-being. What about the emotional security of being held while you sleep? Where is my man who would COOK, and have me for dessert?CLEAN! Its only going to get worse. Only your wife herself can tell you the exact reason why she's not interested in having sex with you. Which now seems gone forever. Sometimes I wish he would go. I love you, but I am not happy this way. I cant do that, divorce right away. Now it is back to looking at every other couple as maybe having something unattainable for me and my Wife. In most cases, Ive seen that men dont realize and acknowledge the needs of their wives. OATS and Senior Planet are charitable affiliates of AARP: | Terms of Service | Privacy Policy. And ur right it is really screwed up knowing u might not get laid again or when that might be. Read the first sentence again. I was in bed for a week with complications and ended up in the ER and the doctor said given my reactions my risk for stroke is 25% higher using Testosterone but I still get told I need to think of her and give it another try. But then she had a full hysterectomy to further reduce her hormone production, and from then on, sex has all but stopped. The lack of interested finally scuttled her interest to find help. I try to get used to it. It may also be helpful for her to speak with her doctor to see if there are other treatment options that might help. Rejection soon turns into resentment.

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